The Art of Rejection

How can we disconnect our emotions when receiving, “No,” and when saying, “No?” How can we disconnect from being the subject that one is sending rejection to? How can we view someone’s denial, disapproval, or rejection as something they are handing out to be received and understood without feeling the side effects of being the receiver? Can we receive the message and respect the message while being emotionally disconnected? And can we tell someone, “No,” without the fear of how they will receive the rejection?

Why is it that saying, “No,” can be so difficult? Why is it that receiving a, “No,” can be so heart-crushing? We have all been rejected and we have all had to give rejection. We all know those terrible feelings that come along with it. Sometimes the feelings are so strong you may feel sick in the stomach. Maybe the feelings were so strong they completely changed your attitude towards the attempt because of fear of further experience with rejection.

Rejection is hard. On both sides. To give and to receive. But why? Often it is nothing personal… or maybe it is? Maybe we feel like we get a little bit of our “self” taken away from us because what we thought, “to be,” is being told, “not to be,” in which we feel we have lost a part of the self. But then there is the argument of the self. Does the self really exist? Is there a self to be lost? So if there is no self to be lost, why does rejection still hurt?

This could be anything from having an idea turned down by a boss or being stood up by a date. Rejection can really send a strong punch. But what is really lost with rejection? Anything? Maybe hopes and expectations, but hopes and expectations are developments of the creative mind. And these hopes and expectations are simply “fantasy.” They are make-believe because the creative mind has gone and created dreams and scenes that have never existed in actuality. But our creative mind is so powerful that we latch onto these dreams and scenes. And if these hopes and expectations are followed by rejection, we feel we have to disconnect with those scenes and dreams that never truly existed. But they were simply, miscalculated projections of the future. Why do we hold on so tightly to fantasy? How can we emotionally detach from these hopes and expectations? Can having a tighter grip on the present moment help? Can experiencing the here and now for what it actually is, help us emotionally detach from rejection?

Picture yourself disconnecting from being the subject of rejection. Imagine someone sending out a “No,” simply just to be heard. Not felt, not held onto, but just heard. Just be the ears to hear this, “No.” Separate yourself from the feelings of attachment to the expectations and just listen.

Just accept and respect, that is all. Emotionally disconnect from rejection and your world will change. You will feel lighter, you will try more. Let go of fear of rejection, and know that none is lost but only approval gained through respecting and honoring rejection.

Telling someone, “No,” is sometimes more difficult than receiving a, “No.” Sure, of course, we may want to expand through experience and this might mean giving a, “Yes,” even in uncomfortable situations. But here we are mainly focusing on rejection in relation to setting personal boundaries within relationships; dating someone new, a colleague, friendships that you want to grow and maintain, or even family relationships. We sometimes feel that if we do not have a reason to say no, other plans, further commitments, a sick dog, or a broken down car, that we must say yes. But you do not need a reason to say, “No.” You wanting to say, “No,” is enough.

Make yourself a promise. Make yourself a promise that anytime you truly want to say, “No,” that you simply say, “No.” Maybe, you do not have the space. Maybe you are simply uninterested. Maybe you really do already have other commitments. Maybe there is no reason at all. “No,” is enough. And if you feel you need to follow it up with an explanation say, “No, I have made a promise to myself.” And anyone respectable will respect that response and need no further explanation. Make yourself a priority. Respect your boundaries. Know what will serve you, what will not, and honor that.

And know that your, “No,” is simply meant to be heard. Not experienced, not felt, and not held onto. Just heard.

What is more difficult for you; receiving rejection or giving rejection? Please share your experience with rejection from either side in the comment section below… Let’s chat about it. No?